demonhunting: crabbyseer: queenofheartsonthesleeve: So today this guy accidentally hit me with the door when he was walking out of a classroom and instead of saying sorry he just looked me over and said ‘pretty cute’ and walked away . And then I realized . I literally just got hit on . The pun is greater than the pain . I guess you could say that he adores you get the fuck out
rabioheab: How To Be Cool In High School never walk anywhere. do the worm in the middle of the hallway floor to get to your classes when a teacher asks you a question in class, respond by dropping to the floor and doing the worm when anyone talks to yo at all, respond by doing the worm do the worm at ALL times
ohwhatprovidence: ohwhatprovidence: one time, my sister accidentally sent a picture of her new dog to the wrong number and the recipient was real upset about it earlier this week, my sister realized that it had been an entire year. she had a new dog and thought he might want to see then her friend sent him a picture of her cat since he seems to really love animals i just sent him a...
me in my head: i'm going to get my life together and read classic novels and drink green tea and eat really healthy and wear cute outfits and make interesting artwork and spend lots of time outside. i'm going to start biking everywhere and walking and listening to lots of new indie bands that i've always wanted to listen to and take bubble baths and my life is just going to be amazing.
me in reality: well. today i think i'm going to watch netflix in my pjs and eat ice cream. and if i'm feeling really productive i might shower.
LITERALLY THIS JUST HAPPENED I'M SCREAMING
ME: *SINGING LOUDLY* YO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT
UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR: SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP
me: *seductively runs hand through hair*
me: *seductively gets hand caught in huge knot*
isurvivedthekobayashimaru: I was at walmart the other day, and I was sitting on a bench waiting for my mom to pay, and I was braiding my hair because that’s something I do when I’m bored, and this dude walks by and says, “hey baby, what else can you do with your hands?” I gave him my most polite smile and said in the sweetest way possible, “strangle you.” And I think I actually scared him...
hannahetaylor: My little sister is getting made fun of at school because she’s adopted. This is what she responded with “Well, my parents chose me. Your parents are stuck with you.”
emouslim: thorki: *teacher voice* pick up at least one piece of trash before you leave the room *picks up the teacher and throws her in the bin*
mormondad: sometimes i feel like that guy that plays the triangle in an orchestra
teeen-vogue: an apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough
bombliate: how many murderers do you think you’ve walked past